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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday
Lunchbox Forum
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Mary Rosenblum
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I thought I'd talk about
action scenes, because I see a lot of weak action scenes in novice
manuscripts
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Mary Rosenblum
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Action scenes can be gems,
riveting the readers to the page.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or, if you blow it, it can
really turn readers off.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see two major problems in a
lot of action scenes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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One is the scene that is so
wordy, either with too much extraneous description or a lot of
author-inserted backstory that the drama is totally lost...
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Mary Rosenblum
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or, I run into scenes that
don't take advantage of the action but rush through the scene with a quick
summary... 'he defeated the swordsman and hurried up the stairs'
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Mary Rosenblum
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What a waste.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Even if your pace demands that
you rush through that action scene, you can imply vivid action with a very
few sentences
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Mary Rosenblum
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He parried the swordsman's
thrust with a quick swipe of his blade, ran him through, then dashed up the
stairs.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I've added a few more words
but not even an extra sentence and the scene is suddenly much more visual.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sorry for the gory example so
early in the day!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good action scenes are a fine
balance between too much and too little detail.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're using either limited
third person or first person POV -- which means you are showing the reader
the scene through the character's eyes--
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Mary Rosenblum
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then you need to think about
what that particular character would notice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Action scenes are particularly
hard in first person, since how many people are really wordy when they're
in the midst of strenuous action?
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your POV character is
telling the story after the fact --say, grandpa recalling his younger days
-- then it's fine. The action took place long ago and grandpa can embroider
all he wants.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if your first person
narrator is supposed to be living this scene as he muses about what is
going on, you have to be much more spare about what he/she comments on.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Mary Rosenblum
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In both cases, think about
your POV character.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What will this person notice?
What is he/she too busy to notice?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That will depend on the level
of engagement.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the character is simply
doing something vigorously and is maybe emotionally charged but not
fighting for his/her life
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Mary Rosenblum
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that character will notice
much more than a character who is fighting for his/her life.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That person will get a type of
tunnel vision that narrows everything to the immediate next action, the
immediate next reaction.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That character will not notice
the cloudless sky, the fine weather, the sweet smell of the jasmine...
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Mary Rosenblum
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although you can effectively
use those very minute details to indicate a state of shock, where the
character's perceptions narrow down to one or two details...usually before
that person passes out.
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marti
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First Person POV going into a
flashback? How can you do
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marti
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it easily and not confuse the
reader?
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Mary Rosenblum
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You do it the same way you
handle it in third person, marti, only the narrator tells us he/she is
flashing back.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I remember when I first met Cheekie.
Grandma sent me to the Main Street store for a spool of thread. Red, because she was
working on Sissy's costume for the Christmas Pageant.
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Mary Rosenblum
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There he was, sitting on top
of the pickle barrel, the ugliest kid I'd ever seen in my life. And the
smallest. I reckon he was a head shorter than Sissy and she was only six.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then you transition back to
the present, Marti, and simply do it clearly:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, turned out of course
that Cheekie and I were destined to go a long way together of course. But
this wasn't the time for reminiscing and Cheekie was gone. I shook myself
out of my memories and went to saddle the bay.
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marti
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What about First-POV, past
tense?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is past tense, marti.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's the first person
present tense transition:
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Mary Rosenblum
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I walk into the barn and it
all comes back to me in a rush. I remember the day I first met Cheekie.
Grandma had sent me to the store to get her a spool of thread. Red, because
she was ...
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Mary Rosenblum
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and so on.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's the transition back to
the present tense narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I shake myself out of it. Hey,
Cheekie's gone and I've got work to do. I saddle the bay...
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Mary Rosenblum
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As far as action scenes, go,
this is where your to be verbs will really hurt you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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When you're writing action
scenes you want your prose to be as spare and clean as possible.
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Mary Rosenblum
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By that I mean that ideally,
every word will evoke an instant visual image.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of course you're stuck with a,
an, the, and all those articles, but don't add to the problem by using was,
is, and the like.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Use vivid verbs.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The character doesn't hurry.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He dashes, races, charges,
flees...
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Mary Rosenblum
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He went into the house...
pretty vanilla pudding.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He strode into the house,
marched into the house, slunk into the house.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Verbs are a treasure chest of specific
nuance.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can imply a lot of
specific action merely with your verb choice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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walk: stagger, limp, stumble,
march, slink, tiptoe, stroll,
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Mary Rosenblum
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Readers will see something different
with every word.
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Mary Rosenblum
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took; seized, grabbed,
plucked, selected, clasped,
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of the two variations on
action scenes -- the spare and the wordy, I see more wordy than spare. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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What often happens is that the
author neglects to establish enough backstory before the action scene
begins
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Mary Rosenblum
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and so tries to stuff in all
the necessary backstory as the main characters are doing whatever.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This can get ludicrous when
it's something like a sword fight, were you figure the opponent could
behead and bury the POV character in the time it takes that person to think
about the past history between the two from childhood to this moment!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Often I'll find the shards of
a VERY nice action scene buried in a wealth of backstory laid out in the
author's voice. Don't DO this! Weave your backstory in before that scene or
answer the readers' questions afterward.
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johnw
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So, you can speed up or slow
down a scene w/ sentence length
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Mary Rosenblum
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Absolutelyu, john.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is one mechanical means
of increasing the pace and drama of a scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The climax of the scene, where
the action is most intense, can be written in short, tight, sentences. This
will give your prose a choppy feel if you do it too long
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Mary Rosenblum
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but for a few sentences at the
height of the scene, it reinforces the sense of 'climax'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He parried. Slashed. Spun and
leaped for the rope. Caught it, swung out, up, and let go.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Compare:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Roger parried the guardsman's thrust.
He slashed at the man's chest and as the guard stumbled backward, he spun
and leaped for the rope.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He caught it and swung out, up
over the cliff. Saying a small prayer to the gods, he let go.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Same scene, totally different
sense of tension and pace.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now that scene could work.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It just depends on what level
of action/tension you want at that point in your story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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For that first, tight, scene
to work, readers would already have to see the guard and the fight, know
the cliff was there, and where the rope would take him.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's what I mean by setting
up the backstory first. Otherwise, we don't see enough in that tight, spare
scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In the second example, I've
included the backstory with the action.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can create a much stronger
dramatic arc by staring the scene with plenty of visuals, so that we see
the scene clearly, then dropping those details about and climaxing the
scene with that spare, tight action.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Because you began with visuals
to 'set up' the scene, you can ignore them to create that sharp peak of
stripped down action.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It will give you a nice strong
dramatic arc.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In general, this is how you
create dramatic arc;
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Mary Rosenblum
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You begin with more details
and reduce them as you reach the peak of the scene, allowing the
dialogue/action to command the readers' attention.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But because the details were
there initially, you don't end up with a scene acting out on a barren
stage!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Cary walked in, dropped her pack and looked around.
"Where is everybody?" she demanded.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Don't laugh. I've seen many
stories that began this way.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And it might be paragraph two before
we know whether we're in a bar, a kitchen, a barn, or a cave.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now if this was the climax of
the scene and we knew that Cary was entering a house, expecting the family to be home
and we'd already seen the interior of the house
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Mary Rosenblum
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this might be fine. The absence
implies something momentous has happened, so that spare pair of sentences
will be the dramatic high point of the story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But only if we know what Cary is walking
into!
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Mary Rosenblum
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When you know that you're
going to have a strong action scene, try to set up the backstory ahead of
time.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And remember, we enjoy our
curiosity.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's fine for the reader not
to really know who that knight is who just charged out of the forest and
attacked.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The only clue we need is the
main character's reaction.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It might be recognition of a
stranger.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'd never seen his crest
before, but that lance pointed at my heart was introduction enough.
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Mary Rosenblum
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After that thought, our POV
character is too busy defending himself to worry about the knight and we
know that he's a stranger.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We figure we'll find out later
how come he came after our POV.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or if the POV knows him:
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Mary Rosenblum
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I recognized that crest as
soon as the big charger broke from the threes. Sir Goth. I spun my gelding
around and drew my sword.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now we know that the POV
recognizes the knight, but this is NOT the time for that five sentence
recap of the where/when! Let me show you:
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Mary Rosenblum
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I recognized that crest a soon
as the big charger broke from the trees. Sir Goth. I remembered how we had
started out rivals, years ago, when Swordsmaster Gavin had chosen us both
to train for The Guard. He had ever been the sneaky one,
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Mary Rosenblum
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quick to attack from behind or
slice you after calling a truce. I wasn't surprised to find him here,
guarding the new king's dark castle. I spun my gelding around and drew my
sword.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now we know a LOT more about the relationship
here, but look at what happened to the visual action. He recognizes the big
charger as it crashes out from the trees.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then...everything stops while
he remembers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then he spins his gelding
around and draws his sword.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We can find out all about Sir
Goth after the fight when our POV takes a breather.
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johnw
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This might be off topic but how
do you handle speech patterns? You can't have a knight talking like he's in
the 21st century.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You always need to come up
with a strong voice for your POV character.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're working in the
historical or fantasy past then it's very important to watch out for modern
slang and anachronisms. No wrist watches please.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Voice should always be a major
part of your character development.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Don't start writing your
scenes until you can hear your character's voice in your head and it is not
your voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you don't do that, all your
characters will speak with your voice and it is SO noticeable.
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Mary Rosenblum
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All these action scene dos and
don'ts apply to all kinds of action scenes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Your characters might be on
their way to dinner or a movie or taking a walk in the park.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The the mood is calm and the
tension is low, you have lots of room for backstory, flashbacks, and visual
details.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your POV is angry, anxious,
upset or fearful, that character will notice less, be more self absorbed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or if he/she is frightened,
that character will be looking around...what's there? Is it following me?
What's that noise?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Hardly noticing the scenery
unless the scenery looks threatening!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Action scenes add a LOT to your story's
pace and dramatic strength.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember -- suit the details
to the characters' emotional state and use strong, vivid verbs.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Avoid wordiness, but give us
enough specific details so that we see what is going on.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a balancing act, but that
describes most of writing craft!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, thanks for coming all.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript of
this forum in the usual place -- Writing Craft; Forum Transcripts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Have a good week!
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