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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Welcome to our Friday After
Hours Forum.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about
description, since this is a weakness I see all too often in novice
writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a critical part of any
story or personal narrative and it takes some practice to get it right.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Most writers start out by
either using way too little or way too much, and 'too little' and 'too
much' vary literally scene by scene. Just to complicate matters!
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Mary Rosenblum
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More often, I see too little
description.
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Mary Rosenblum
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There's a reason for that. You
see the entire unvierse very clearly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you, the writer, add enough
detail to bring the scene to life....for YOU.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But your readers start out
with a blank page. They see nothing. So they don't see enough and your
scene fails to draw them into the story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a tightrope you're
walking here...balancing between too much description so that the story
bogs down and the plot sinks in a sticky sea of prose
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Mary Rosenblum
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and too little so that we have
actors gesturing in front of a white curtain.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In general, description is
most critical in the first page or pages of your story. Here you are
setting up the universe
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Mary Rosenblum
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and bringing it to life for
your readers. Once they are well established in that universe, you need
much less ....just enough to keep it alive unless we move to a new
location.
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sss1208
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Could we have an example please?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Say you're starting a story.
Here we go:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Annie opened the door.
"Hey, come on in."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Nice to see you."
Derrick kissed her on the cheek. "Carole here?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Nope. She's going to
drop by later."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Oh, too bad." He
shifted from one foot to another. "Uh, did you hear about Mark?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"No, what about
him?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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I used this because I see this
sort of 'dialogue scene' all the time. Where are we? Beats me? Could be in
a house, a barn, a school building.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now...here's the fun catch
with description....later on in the story, this could be FINE>
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Mary Rosenblum
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The author has established the
world. We know that Annie lives in a one bedroom condo, we've seen the
Danish modern furniture, the hand woven rug, the gleaming kitchen.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In the previous scene, we've
seen her set a bunch of tulips in a crystal vase onto the teakwood coffee
table The doorbell rings.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now the scene is okay because
we know where she's standing, we SEE that scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As the opening scene to a
story? Readers are staring at a blank screen with two people on it.
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sundale
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how good a memory should we
assume our readers have? In that I mean, how much do we need to redescribe
things?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good question, Sundale. You
need to keep reminding them of where they are. Even if we knew they were in
Annie's living room, I'd probably throw in a visual beat
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Mary Rosenblum
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using an action tag. Like
this.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Nice to see you." Derrick
kissed her on the cheek. "Carole here?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Nope." Annie took
his jacket, tossed it over one of the chairs. "She's going to drop by
later."
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Mary Rosenblum
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You have just 'refreshed' that
living room for your readers.
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rae
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How do you know when you have
too much?
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Mary Rosenblum
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When it's too much, readers
lose track of your story. It sinks into a murky bog of words. Let's overdo
our living room scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Annie walked across the
handwoven wool rug, admiring the gold and magenta stripes and pausing to
rearrange a few of the bright pink tulips with their pale, ivory throats.
She opened the door
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Mary Rosenblum
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to find Derrick grinning at
her. He was wearing his new lambskin jacket and from the look of it, he
must have just gotten a haircut although a sexy hint of five o-clock shadow
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Mary Rosenblum
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darkened his lean jaw. He wore
Black Sabbath tee shirt, and a pair of faded jeans.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Right now, our dialogue is
vanishing into all those details. They're nice details but it will create
the effect of the characters speakig in 'slow motion' with long pauses
between words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Read your scene and pay
attention only to the action. Or better yet, use a highlighter pen and
highlight only the action.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you have brief bursts of
color with looooong stretches of prose in between, maybe you need to reduce
that detail.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Its not quantity that brings
the scene to life...it's quality.
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copper
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If you have to get some
background in there, how do you do it without getting bogged down? Like if
where a character got his nickname is important?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ah, copper, this is a common
novice problem....TONS of backstory right at the beginning. Realize that
readers do NOT have to know everything right now.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If learning about that
nickname is going to bog down this taut scene here Jin tells Carole that he
dropped out of college, then let the reader find out later.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Right now we know his name is
Jin and it's an odd name and we'll wait to find out how he got it. Later
on, when the scene is not so taut , you can let someone ask Jin how he got
his name.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As long as you have all your
backstory in place before you reach the story's climax scene, you're fine.
:-) Take your time and dribble it in a little at a time.
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sundale
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sometimes I have a perfect image
in my mind, but have a hard time decribing it. Can you give me any advice
on how to get that image from my mind to the paper?
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is the magic key to good
description. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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As I said...it's not quantity,
it's quality.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you pick out the key
details that make this scene unique, yoiu can leave out the others.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Say I wanted to describe
Annie's condo living room. I don't have time in my scene do describe
everything and Annie, my POV character
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Mary Rosenblum
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has no reason to examine the
room closely. She sees it every day after all, she barely notices things unless
they're out of place.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So I might pick, say three key
details that will represent that living room. Hmmm...Danish leather sofa,
teakwood coffee table, a handwoven alpaca rug on the floor.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As she walks over to answer
the door, she might straighten a pillow on the sofa and rearrange the
sunflowers on the teakwood coffee table, thinking that the bronze color
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Mary Rosenblum
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of the petals just matches the
woven rug. Then she opens the door and we have a living room. Readers will
fill in other furnishings in their own minds.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I have planted seeds to 'set
the tone' so to speak, and they can create the rest of the room on their
own.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, I'm not actually looking
at it up here on the stage. Hang on a sec, while I pull the jpg out of my
files here...
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Mary Rosenblum
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Okay..
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Mary Rosenblum
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Smiling, she headed for me
across the lawn. She had silky brown hair, rather lank and an oval, open
face. Wire rim glasses framed smiling eyes iwith plenty of laugh lines.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is the kind of
description I'd use if my POV had reason to look closely at someone.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If my POV is preoccupied,
she'd notice less.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Cara glanced at the
lank-haired, smiling woman. Ducked past her and headed for the main office
at a fast walk, almost a run.
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rae
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Using the picture of Phyllis,
how would you describe it in writing? What would be the key things you
notice?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Oops. sorry.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That was the question. The
picture is the one in the auditorium.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your POV has reason to
notice something, as in my first example, you can use a lot more
descripton.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your POV is distracted,
under stress, or has seen this same scene every day for a year, you'll have
to make do with only one or two keydetails... 'lank-haired, smiling woman'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's an excellent exercise.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Go into a strange place...a
store you have never been in, a fast food restaurant, a museum gallery, a
park.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just walk through. Don't stand
around staring, keep moving.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now find a place to sit down
for a moment and write down all the details you remember.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those are the details that had
the most impact on you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That will help you learn to
choose details that will have the most impact on your readers.
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rae
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It only changes if you change
locations, right?
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Mary Rosenblum
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What's that, rae?
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rae
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The description of where you
are, or what you are looking at?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure. It had BETTER be
consistent if you don't move. :-) But if your POV is gonig to be here for
quite some time, yoiu can show us more detail as the character moves around
and does things, using action tags.
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info
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I'm not sure about anyone else
but, sometimes I find myself frustrated with trying to keep the chapters
within a certain word count. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be enough or
too much for that chapter. Any suggestions?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Chapters have no set word
limit, info, except in the novel course and there's a reason for that. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Every chapter has a structure,
a dramatic arc. When you complete that arc, start a new chapter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Maybe you have more than one
dramatic arc in your chapters.
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red 1
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Do action tags connected to a
bit of scene description work in dialogue well enough to paint the picture
while keeping the conversation and scene flowing?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Absolutely. :-) That's one of
their main strengths.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Come on in." Annie
took his jacket, tossed it over a chair. "You want a drink?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Uh, sure." He
shuffled his feet. "A coke?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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She rolled her eyes, headed
for the fridge. "So what exactly did you want to ask me, Paul?"
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andipandi
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I came in late. What is
"POV"?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sorry, andi. Writerese for
Point of View character. The character through whose eyes we perceive the
scene. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can combine
description...the jacket over the chair with body language to convey not
only the character's emotions but the visual scenery.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I can't believe you said
that." Jens banged old fashioned glasses down on the bar. "What
were you thinking?" Scotch splashed into the glasses, spotting the
polished wood.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Hey, that stuff costs
fifty bucks a bottle." Carl reached for his. "Take it easy, kid.
I've done this a hundred times."
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pook
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Mary, I got into my chapter one
hook too soon for the novel course but I'm having trouble revising so there
is some backstory to make ther eader care more about the characters.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Especially in short stories,
we dive right into action many times, hooking the reader. Then it becomes
quite a challenge to set up a visual universe and provide backstory.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You may need to rethink your
start entirely, pook, and start with a completely different scene that then
leads into your hook.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Unlike a short story, you have
a whole chapter to hook that reader. Just make your opening scene
interesting enough to keep readers reading.
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sundale
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diolaug can sometimes set the
scene as well right? (Example avalible)
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Mary Rosenblum
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It can, sun , but remember my
initial example? We had dialogue with no visuals at all. That sets nothing
and I see a LOT of it!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dialogue that contains
visuals, usually conveyed through action tags, is just fine. It's a great
tool to deliver backstory, too.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Do you have an example? Or
were you asking for one. :-)
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sundale
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I have one
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Mary Rosenblum
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type /ask in your regular send
bar and then paste it in there. It should come here in one piece if it's
not too long.
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sundale
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“Get this guy off my tail!” I
heard Carter’s call for assistance and pulled the fighter over to find him.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yeah, that works, but that's
first person POV not really dialogue that's setting the scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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First person is just the POV
character telling us things, so he/she can tell us what he/she is seeing.
:-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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I stuck my head into the
office. Pretty swank. Teak desk a little smaller than a football field, a
wall full of plaques with those nifty gold seals on 'em, even one of those
one armed couches in front of the big window, upholstered in gray velvet.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I could see why he was
charging my client two hundred an hour.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But your POV character has to
have reason to notice those details.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So the two keys to good
description are 'quality' and 'quantity'. You want quality details...the
evocative key that implies a lot of othrer things, then let the readers
fill in those others.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And quantity meaning the
amount of detail should vary with the POV character's mindset.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Leisurely -- she can notice
lots of things. Stressed, fleeing, hurting, preoccupied....he's going to
notice much less.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And how often do you really
SEE the furnishings in your office or your home or bedroom? Only if you're
looking for your keys, dusting, trip over the misplaced chair, right?
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your scene seems slow, try
highlighting action. See if you have WAY more description than action. Or
if it's all colored, you need more description!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Insert visual action into
dialogue to create the effect of seeing and hearing simultaneously.
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rae
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In my chapter 4, I have a
detective ticking off the things she sees in a bedroom. I have a lot of
detail in that spot. Should I just touch on it, or it is allright to leave
it with lots of detail?
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your detective is looking
for clues, she's going to notice LOTS of details and that's realism.
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speckledorf
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Wouldn't this be a good time to
ask your readers? For example, if they skip over the description, you
probably have too much.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yeah, but don't depend too
much on one reaction unless you know this person is pretty typical. Readers
vary a lot in terms of what level of detail they're comfortable iwth.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In general, YA readers tend to
be less patient with detail, in general fantasy readers are pretty
comfortable with more. :-) Gross generalizations here. Be warned.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But by all means if you give
your work to six readers and five of 'em tell you it was 'wordy' LISTEN.
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janecj333
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Colored?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Oh, sorry, Jane, I was talking
about using a highlighter pen to mark dialogue in a scene. If every
sentence is colored you need more description.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Thanks for coming, folks!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good questions and I'll post
the transcript in the usual place: Writing Craft; Forum Transcript.
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Mary Rosenblum
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See you Sunday for our casual
chat!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Happy St. Patrick's day and
have a good weekend!
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