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Mary Rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday
Lunchbox Forum.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you've all recovered
from the holidays. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Time to make use of these
short days to spend some of those 'dark hours' working on writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Set a story in a nice warm
bright location.
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Mary Rosenblum
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See if a little virtual
sunshine doesn't perk you up.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to revisit dialogue
today because it continues to be a stumbling block for a lot of novice
writers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a very powerful tool in
fiction and worth mastering.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dialogue in an excellent way
to deepen characterization as well as
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Mary Rosenblum
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feeding the reader a lot of
necessary information.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But in order to do that, it
has to sound like real people talking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see a couple of very typical
problems in novice dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Probably the most common is
the 'talking heads syndrome'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is when we have a long
conversation of alternating lines of dialogue and absolutely no visuals.
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Mary Rosenblum
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sorrry folks
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Mary Rosenblum
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My power went out so I'm now
back with my laptop and dialup
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Mary Rosenblum
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anyway....as I was saying, a
lot of dialogue without any visuals gives the effect of talking heads
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Mary Rosenblum
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In real life, people see at
the same time they hear the conversation and that is what you want to
create with your prose.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you need to interrupt your
lines of dialogue with beats of visual action.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This also allows you to show
the body language of the characters. THat body language allows readers to
hear the correct tone of voice
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Mary Rosenblum
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without you haveing to say 'he
said angrily' or 'she said rudely'. \
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember that the more you
allow readers to figure things out from what they 'see' and 'hear' in the
scene, the less you 'tell'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I really don't think I'm
going to do that." Carol shrugged.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Carol isn't too upset,
probably. So we'll hear more or less a neutral tone.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I really don't think I"m
going to do that." Carol's face went white.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Carol is probably quite upset.
We're going to hear a very different tone here.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is how you can reveal a
non-POV character's emotions, by the way, without having to violate pov and
hop into his/her head.
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geezer
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In your example, does it make a
difference whether Carol's action goes first or second?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good question, geeze. For
'action tags' like that, with no 'said' word, they work equally well before
or after the spoken line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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BUT...putting any 'said' word
ahead of the line makes the dialogue sound very 'told'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is another common novice
mistake.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She said, "I'm going to
go home now."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm going to go home
now," she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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When the 'said' tag comes
after the line, the reader skims over it, barely noticing it (unless you
overuse it)
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Mary Rosenblum
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When it comes in front of the
line it is obviously you, the author, intruding, announcing 'she is going
to speak now'.,
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Mary Rosenblum
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This makes your dialogue seem
very stilted unless you are doing an authorial narrative.
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info
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Is it ever alright to put
'he/she said' if the person is doing something at the same time or is it
always better to start a fresh sentence with the action?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Don't use 'said' unless you
really need to. It's an empty word, it reminds the reader that you the
author are lurking about in this story. \
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're going to use an
action tag... 'She slammed the door'...
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Mary Rosenblum
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why throw in the extra empty
words 'she said as she slammed the door?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Said as she add nothing to the
visual impact here...they remind us an author is talking. \
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ideally, you want the readers
to start seeing the action and forget they're reading.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The other thing to remember is
that you only need to use an identifying tag line often enough that the
readers
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Mary Rosenblum
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don't lose track of who is
speaking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see a lot of 'ping pong'
dialogue. \
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Mary Rosenblum
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Want to get a coke? he asked.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure, she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Meet me at the corner in five
minutes, he said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Okay, she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ping...pong...ping...pong....
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Mary Rosenblum
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If only two people are
speaking, you don't need that many tag lines to identify the speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Certainly not one every line!
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Mary Rosenblum
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And here, action tags would
have made this read much more smoothly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Want to get a coke? he asked.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Sure." She grinned.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Meet me at the corner in
five minutes."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Okay." She watched
him hurry off. He had blushed, like the coke was a big date. He was so
cute. She closed up her locker and headed to history class.,
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here I added her thoughts.
(She is the POV character here).
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Mary Rosenblum
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She noticed that he blushed
and thinks he's cute.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is the third leg of the
'dialogue tripod'...words, actions, and thought.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Pay attention to your
conversations. How often are you carrying on a running mental commentary as
you speak.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is one of the ways you
can deepen characterization in your POV character, but dialogue will deepen
characterization for all your characters, POV or not.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Much of what we learn about
people we learn through what they say.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You reveal your likes,
dislikes, and personal prejudices through your word choices.
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Mary Rosenblum
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THis is why it's critical to
develop an individual voice for each character you create.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you don't do that
consciously guess what? They'll all sound like you and that character will
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Mary Rosenblum
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seem to have your world view
and personal prejudices.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Which is okay if they match,
but if they don't match, it will make your character seem cardboard and
unreal.
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snow
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how much dialogue should a story
have?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That depends on the story,
snow.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Some stories are more action
driven than others, and some stories may be very internal with little
dialogue at all.
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builder guy
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Do you have to start a new
paragraph every time a new character starts to speak in a story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes, builder, and thanks for
bringing this up. I see this problem a lot.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Readers learn early that a new
paragraph indicates a new speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you don't do that, the
reader will hear the same voice speaking and when he/she realizes that
someone else is talking
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Mary Rosenblum
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that reader will have to
'rehear' the words in the new voice. Boy does that break up the flow of the
story!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Not good.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But I also see a lot of new
writers who indent EVERY new line of dialogue even if the speaker has not
changed. \
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's just as problematic.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Readers will hear a new voice
speaking, then have to 'rehear' that line when they realize it's still the
same speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you indent and begin a new
paragraph ONLY when the speaker changes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So the things to keep in mind
are: Dialogue is a tripod composed of words spoken, thoughts, and bodylanguage.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Balance visual beats with
spoken lines so that the readers see and hear the scene simultaneously.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Begin a new paragraph when the
speaker changes.
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info
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What about if there is no one speacking
and action taking place? Shouldn't you start a new paragraph if the action
changes a little?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, info, exposition has its
own rules of paragraphing. Usually you begin a new paragraph when the
'topic' changes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's a more subjective issue
for most writers and editors.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The paragraphing rules for
dialogue are more cut and dried -- new speaker/new paragraph.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Alas, I am about out of batter
power, so I'll have to exit here.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I was hoping the power would
come back on.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you have more questions
about dialogue, you can visit the newsletter (new issue is up) and email me
from there.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you go to the 'ask Mary'
section, you'll find an email link.
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Mary Rosenblum
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(actually there are several
email links)
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