Mary Rosenblum writes SF, mainstream, nonfiction, and also mystery as Mary Freeman. To date she has published seven novels and more than sixty short stories.  Her eighth novel, Horizon, will be out from Tor Books in November 2006, and her novel The Drylands will be released by Fairwood Press in January 2007.   She is a LR instructor and the web editor, and you can learn more about her at www.maryrosenblum.com

 

 

First Person

Monotone NOT

By Mary Rosenblum

 

            First person Point of View.  The ‘I’ voice.  I bet at least one teacher told you it was the ‘natural storytelling voice’.  Easy as falling off a log, right?  Must be.  A lot of novice writers use it.  And it is easy, because we use it all the time, every time we tell Mom, a friend, the spouse, what we did and where we went.  So it feels easy to write. It feels as if you’re getting right into your character’s skin.  Right?

            Well…remember.  What you feel as you write that first person narrative is not nearly as important as what your reader reads.  And if all your reader reads is action and dialogue, described by the first person POV, if the reader has no sense of the first person narrator as a character, then all we have is someone describing action and dialogue to us.  The character is flat and adds nothing to the story. 

            And if that is the case, third person POV might be better.  It will allow more description and visuals with the ‘telling’ that is the case in first person. 

 

Adding the Who

            The strength of first person is the speaker, the main character.  Even in personal narrative, when that speaker is you, you are still a character to the reader.   You need to be a person, just as the made up character in your novel or short story is a person.  If you, the narrator, are a flat, sterile monotone, how boring is that?  So in first person, voice is very very important. If you think about it, once we have seen a stranger, noticed the clothes, the hair, the general sanitation of that person, what do we learn from?  From what that person says, right?  We begin to figure out his or her level of education, place of origin, and personal beliefs and world view from what that person says. 

            Take a look at the example below:

            Andrea was late to work again. She was late nearly every morning.  I watched her walk over to her messy desk, dump her jacket onto the extra chair that was covered with files and turn on her computer as she sat down.  She just sat in front of the blank screen for awhile, then she laid the picture of her boyfriend, Kim, face down on her desk and took the first file out of her inbox.  She seemed pretty upset, so I decided not to ask her about volunteering for the children’s summer camp booth at the county fair until lunch time.  Nobody is at their best on Monday mornings, after all.  

            What do we learn?  We learn that Andrea is late, we see that her desk is messy and that she dumps her jacket onto a chair covered with files.  We see her lay that picture down and realize it’s her boyfriend, Kim.  We learn that the narrator wants to ask her about volunteering but will wait until lunch and we learn that the narrator thinks people aren’t at their best on Monday.  We learn a lot about Andrea, right?  Not much about Narrator.  This passage would probably be stronger in third person where we simply watch Andrea arrive.  That first person voice adds virtually nothing here – no real insights on Andrea and no real sense of who our narrator is. 

 

            It doesn’t have to be that way.  Let’s try again, and this time, we’ll bring out narrator to life. 

            Andrea was late to work again.  I was at the copy machine making yet another set of the Compton contracts for Mr. Boss From Hell.  Nothing new there --  Miss Beauty Sleep  is late nearly every morning.  But Mr. BFH thought she was cute, so it was okay – for her.    I watched her walk over to her messy desk, dump her jacket onto the extra chair that was covered with files and turn on her computer as she sat down. If my cubicle looked like that, I’d be fired in a heartbeat.  That’s what big boobs and tight clothes get you.   She just sat in front of the blank screen for awhile, then she laid the picture of her boyfriend, Kim, face down on her desk and took the first file out of her inbox. Uh oh.  Looks like the love affair of the century is on the rocks.  I finished collating the contracts.   She seemed pretty upset, so I decided not to ask her about volunteering for the children’s summer camp booth at the county fair until lunch time. She’d say yes.  She’s such a goody two shoes.  I noticed that her hair was a mess as I went back to my cubicle.  Well, nobody is at their best on Monday mornings, after all, not even the office Beauty Queen, apparently. 

            Compare these two narratives.  In this one, we find exactly the same details as in the first example, but here, what do we learn?  We learn a lot more, not only about Andrea, but also about our narrator.  Andrea is pretty and the boss is attracted to her – or at least our narrator thinks so.  Clearly our narrator has no love for her, and doesn’t think a lot of her boss, either.  Since she mentions that Andrea apparently is quite willing to help out (she’s a goody two shoes), it might make us suspect that our narrator’s evaluation of Andrea is a bit suspect, to say the least. 

            As you can see, our narrator has revealed quite a bit about herself as she describes Andrea’s actions.  We have much more of a sense of her as character.  That narrator’s asides also add quite a bit of information about Andrea.  By giving that narrator a more three dimensional character, we increase her presence in the scene and add a lot to the bare action of our first narrative example. 

 

First Versus Third

            Think about what you’re trying to accomplish with your story before you decide on whether to use first person or third person Point of View.  Are you simply going to describe the actions of other characters to the readers?  Then perhaps a limited third POV is more appropriate.  If your story will include a lot of action and interesting settings, a limited third person POV makes it easier for you to include descriptive details.  If your narrator has no reason to notice details, he or she will not. 

            Is your POV character going to do a lot of thinking?  If much of your story will be internal, then a first person POV might be the better choice.  Thought is always a bit tricky in limited third person POV, and in first person POV, our main characters are talking to themselves anyway.    It’s all internal, except for dialogue with another character.

            If you’re writing a personal narrative about a real life event, it is a good idea to use first person.  Readers tend to assume third person is fiction, even when it is not.  Part of the appeal of personal narrative is that someone is telling you a story about what really happened.  We value that ‘I’ voice in personal narrative.  However, the more you bring yourself to life, the more likely you are to succeed with your personal narrative.  The readers want to hear from a friend, they don’t want to listen to a faceless drone.

            When using first person POV, take the time to develop a strong voice for your narrator, whether that is you or a fictional character.  You want it to sound like a real, flesh and blood person speaking.  Go ahead and use idiom, let your own voice be as personal as when you talk to the neighbor.  Don’t forget to include your insights into the deeper meaning of what you are describing.  You’re not just translating action for a blind listener, you’re telling a story.  And you are part of it.