Show, Don’t Tell in First Person

 

By Mary Rosenblum

 

 

            Show, don’t tell….  We all know that this is the foundation of powerful prose.  It works just fine with third person point of view, and for more help with that, click here.   But what happens if you’re writing a first person story?  In otherwords, the main character is telling it to us in his or her own words.  Isn’t that telling?  How can you show the reader anything? 

            Yes, first person point of view is indeed ‘telling’.  It is, by its very nature, a narrative.  The character is, in fact, telling the story.   But this different that you, the author, telling us what is going on.  You can invite your reader to the party just as well with first person point of view as you can with third person point of view. 

 

Seeing Through Character Eyes

          Essentially, your goal with a first person POV story is to make the readers feel as if they are at your character’s shoulder, sharing the adventure, too.  Your character may be telling us about an adventure in childhood or that character may seem to be speaking to us as the action unfolds, but in either case, you want us to feel as if we are there, just as in a third person POV story.  

            The route to that level of reader engagement is the same in first person POV as in third…climb into the POV character’s head and sit down.  Peer out through that character’s eyes, listen with his ears, share her thoughts.    But here, the technique differs.  Our first person POV is going to have to mention what he or she sees in order for us to see that item or landscape.   And of course, that means your main character is going to have to notice that item.  Think about how you notice your surroundings.  Every person is more or less observant in general, and that level of observation varies from one situation to another, depending on what you are thinking about, your level of stress, and so on.  Let’s look at a couple of examples. 

            If you’re on your way from your place of work to the parking lot where you left your car or the bus stop, you’re thinking about what you’re going to fix for dinner or what might be on the TV, how much do you notice?  You’ve seen that block a thousand times already.   There’s the telephone pole with the ragged posters announcing bands and garage sales.  The blue mail drop box, the stop sign, the bus shelter scrawled with graffiti.   You probably get onto the bus or into your car without really registering any of those details. 

            But what if you’re taking a shortcut through a strange neighborhood.  You’re not even sure you know where you are, this neighborhood might not be safe.  You notice the details now!  You see the overflowing dumpster in the alley and the scrawny orange cat growling over a half-eaten hamburger, the blue gang-sign scrawled on the peeling paint of shabby storefronts, the dusty used books in the grimy display window of the narrow little bookstore, the smell of rancid grease drifting from the coffee shop with the dirty check curtains in the window next door.  You notice the two men in thrift-store clothes and expensive leather jackets leaning against the filthy brick wall of the bar on the corner.  You are paying attention. 

 

Show the Right Details

          So if your POV character notices the details on that familiar block the same way you notice the details in a strange and threatening part of town, the reader goes huh?  Why should that character be so extremely observant when he/she has walked this block every night for years?  But if the neighborhood is strange, the situation might be dangerous, of course that character pays attention. 

            I headed home as soon as the clock struck five, thinking of that steak Maria had promised and maybe a cuddly night in front of the TV.  Nearly ran down the old drunk panhandling in front of the bank and just caught the Ninety-Seven as it pulled away from the stop. 

            This is our familiar block.  Our POV is thinking of the steak dinner his wife or girlfriend has waiting and probably wouldn’t notice anything at all except that he nearly collides with a man asking for spare change in front of the bank.  He just catches the bus as it pulls away from the bus stop.  What does our reader see here?  A grimy city block with panhandlers on the street, a bank,  and a street full of city traffic including  a bus.  We’ll fill in other urban buildings on the block, probably telephone poles, stop lights, street lamps….a bustling city scene…for ourselves. 

            I cruised along the street trying to look like I belonged here, thinking Salvatore had given me the wrong directions.  Gang sign decorated grimy storefronts like streaks of mold and a scrawny cat snarled at me from under a dumpster spilling rancid  garbage into the filthy alley.  Three guys hung out in front of the sleezy bar on the corner, spitting on the sidewalk.  Eyeing me.  Wearing gang colors.  I weighed my options. 

            Notice that I didn’t include all the details of this bad neighborhood.  Our POV is keeping his eyes open for trouble…like our lounging gang members.  He notices a few details that tell him what kind of neighborhood we’re in…the gang sign, grimy storefronts, and that scrawny, snarling cat.  He doesn’t notice that it’s crouching over a half eaten hamburger.  He doesn’t care what it’s doing.  But he sees it.  And the dumpster.   ‘Sleezy’ is his evaluation of the bar.  Each reader will picture ‘sleezy’ according to his/her own experience, but we’ll all see it.   Grimy brick, small window, sizzling neon sign spelling out a beer brand name, or cheap aluminum siding, dented and stained, a weathered wooden door with a few streaks of red paint still showing…whatever ‘sleezy’ means to you. 

            Details are the key to showing.  Let your POV character notice the details that he or she would actually notice in this type of situation.  Now allow the reader to fill in the rest of the scene.  We get the sense that we are walking down the street beside your character, listening to him mention the things that catch his or her eye. 

            There you go….show, don’t tell, first person style.